The following situation-specific, outgoing voicemail messages are available for download, free of charge. This is another example of a free thing that The Avocado Papers makes available to you, free, at no charge. (Each message also comes with its own free "beep" at the end, also free.)

Daniel: In Chicago.

John: Generic (contains profanity).

Pampered Whiskers: Please leave message.

Eugene: Will not be home in future.

Nick: Please leave message.

Jeffrey: Back after 3:00, Please leave message.

Jonathan: Don't check messages, please call cell.

Denny: In Chicago/Detroit (with dates).

Bill and Janine: Away, please leave message (with dates).

Debbie: Please leave message.

Fernandez Residence: Please leave message.

Helen: Please leave message.

Bill: Please leave message.

Dave: Please leave message (bungalow already rented).

Bill and Susan: Please leave message.

Glenda: In Phoenix until Thursday.

Bob and Brittney: Away until June, 2012.

Hairmitage: Please leave message (with business hours).

McCullough Residence: Please leave message, back Monday.

Fucky Williamson: Please leave message.

Nancy: Away until 1972, please leave message.

Roy: Away, please leave message.

Jeanine: Please leave message.

Midtown Florist: please leave message (with office hours).

Phil: in Armonk, please leave message.

Thurman Residence: Generic (contains profanity).

Thompson Residence: Please leave message (audible baby sounds).

John Williams, Quad State Interactive: Please leave message (with emergency alternative).

Susie: Visiting Jason in prison, please leave message.

Jill: Please leave message.

Hendrickson Residence: Away, please leave message (with date of return).

Dr. Harrison: Please leave message (with emergency number).

Shithead residence: Please leave a message.

(Anonymous): Away until August 26th.

Bill and Pippy: please leave message.

Shirley Fontaine: Please leave message.

Phillips Residence: Away, please leave message (note: dates are in past).

Liz: Please leave message.

Jackson Household: Please leave message.

Ben: Please leave message (with stern leave-phone-number reminder).

Lisa: At the lake, please leave message or call lake.

Johnson Residence: Please leave message.

Midtown Pest Control: Please leave message.

Jim: Don't check messages, please call cell.

McCoys: Please leave message.

Phyllis Richardson: Please leave message.

MacArthur Residence: Please leave message.

North Jersey Auto Sales: Please leave a message.

Copyright © 2007 Steve Schneider. All rights reserved.