By James Edgar Poague Bell
Illustrations by Richard Agerbeek

Lithium®, is a sluggish cat
Who moves so slow
You would never know
That her mind is always racing

With images, self depreciating
Social skills, humiliating

With her claws the noise is grating
It is hard to stop hating!

Lithium®, eyes corkscrew
Her hair a mess
She has suffered a battery of test
In an effort to be like the rest

To her there is no jest
No sunny days in her messy nest
To disappear would be the best


Zoloft® is a smiling cat
That is found
In dark hallways
And likes to chat

You'll see him staring at a wall
Claiming beauty is in the small
A flicker of the fluorescent
Or crumb like a crescent enthralls most of all

So don't take him out
He will be glued to the spot
In front of a tank
Full of fish with dots

It's not worth the price
Of the aquarium
When he swears on her grave
One looks like his mum


Prozac® is a difficult cat to surmise
Though famous, when you meet him
It is a surprise to you, to have met him before
To greet you so pleasantly is never a chore

He opens the door
And smiles like a friend
So why must you meet him again and again?

No threat of excess
Sacrificed for success
At a feverish pitch
But that pitch is the same

And you met him again and again


Claretin® is a prancing cat
For she gallops and wallows
In fields and meadows

She has terrible dandruff
And sheds everywhere
So she is kept outside
But she does not care

For even in her worst trip
Through heavy laden pollen strips
Never once does her nose drip


Paxil® is a dashing cat
Once he had a panic attack
But no more, and as a result
He is no longer a bore

Now he often wears a hat
Debonair and full of charm
When he walks his paws
Barely touch the ground

He'll rub your leg
But go no further
Because to him there is no pleasure
Instead he likes to wear his hat

Yell and thrust
If you must
But do not discuss
Or mention the fact

That if you look under his hat
And in his eye, he will not bat
That Paxil® is no longer a cat


Viagra® is as you guessed
A cat that makes quite a mess
With what you would describe at best
As something close to tenderness

A few might say that he is just lust
An endless supply, you cannot trust
But others would say, if cats could talk
That' it's as if he wore a truss!'

His sure-footed step says 'I am young again!
In my prime to spring again'
With thrice the money than when he was young
It helps cover what comes undone

Like marriages and families
And things of that sort
It is the price you pay
With a paid escort

But his motto is famous
From his self made club
'An upstanding member
Is nothing to snub'


Demerol® is not a bad cat
If you consider,
She is a great consumer
But what a terrible bore
Because there is always
Something delivered
To her door

She spends the day
In her bedroom
It's not filled with gloom
If that's what you think

It is actually very sunny
The walls painted pink

It is the stack of magazines
That bothers me so
From People, to Vogue to Mademoiselle

After the mail
She likes to retire
With fresh catalogs
She buys her attire

She takes the package and runs up the stairs
Dam-it-all, Demerol is in a fit
The dress she had bought
Just won't fit

Into the pile
A mile high it goes
Then she lays in full repose
The rest of the day, she paints her toes
Waiting for the next catalog to close.


Ritalin® is just a kitten
If you look, you'll find hidden
Never in the same place twice

It is not a matter of naughty or nice
But when you ask a question
You must ask it twice
And times that by eleven

Though Ritalin's® propensity for density
Might seem like possession
By demons so dark
It is not out of the question

For if you try to explain
To be still is a grace
But if you HOLD still
He will scratch your face

And scream to get back
To all the things strewn around
Shoes, earmuffs, and mice abound

There is no lack of stuff
To provide a diversion
To a normal kitten
This is not a perversion

But to play with such disregard
To display such a disgrace
With disturbing intensity
All over the place

When trying to explain his lack of attention
These words came forth from a great physician
'A patient like this needs patience like that
You'll need a magician, to reach to this cat'

With sparkle and pizzazz
And a dash flash paper
To quell the blur named Ritalin®
The young agitator


Codiene® is a slow feline
In her movements there is something divine
It is not laborious, but well considered
From mind to limb, thought out
And slowly delivered

The effort must come from your part
Not to demand or push too hard
Codiene®, with every gesture
Implies the world is
Too large to measure

So what you ask must be well considered
And whatever it is, slowly delivered

Here is an example of what I think
Just eating an orange she is brought to the brink
Of a revelation

On a concrete meaning she will not pounce
But think of the word and barely pronounce
A color, the adjective
A noun or a sound,
In the later there is something profound
The audible part comes from well-rounded lips
Like that of a horn on fog bound ships

You will have to guess which of the three
She considers the best for
On her face there is nothing to see

Like glimpsing the flag on that fog bound ship
It is hard to decipher, where it started its trip

Here is something to let you in on the act
What you take as obvious fact
Has been taken apart and then put back
By this impossibly slow considered cat


Valium®, oh Valium®
He once was the stallion
King of the backyard, and the kitchen
But know he is aged, no longer a kitten

His hair all matted, clumpy and gray
Like an old Harris Tweed taken for hay
Standing up tall, inflating his chest
'I was the first, I was the best'

A valiant knight of felicity
In Camelot, he lead
The battalion against anxiety
That awful sense of dread

But in these modern times
All of that is forgotten
So his own disposition
Is downright rotten

Precariously he sits on the shelf
Covered in dust alone, by himself
You can hear him cuss, a spiteful hiss
'I was the first true domestic bliss

I chased away the terrible mice
With all my youth, used all my might
When things went wrong, wasn't I right

Yes I broke some plates, so what?
After my purr they always forgot
And stroked and gleamed and smiled a lot'

But know there is a tremendous guilt
To the tactics Valium® wilt
Upon the land in search of peace

They avoid his spot as if he smelled
Looking to give the prize he held
To a cat with greater powers
A cat to keep them smiling longer than hours


© 1998 James Edgar Poague Bell 1998. Illustrations © 1998 Richard Agerbeek.