The Whistleblower 13
This burger has nothing in it aside from an anonymous whistleblower's claim that President Donald Trump asked Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate Joe Biden, one of Trump's political opponents. Fox News commentator Matthew Whitaker smells "a big nothingburger."
The 2016 12
There's nothing in this burger, except for President Trump also asking Zelensky to look into Ukraine's efforts to help Hillary Clinton win the presidency in 2016. Rep. Debbie Lesko (R-Ariz.) agrees: "a total nothingburger."
The Urgent Concern 13
There's simply nothing to this burger at all; "burger" is probably the wrong word for this thing, because there's nothing in it aside from the intelligence-community Inspector General's opinion that the whistleblower's claims were "credible and of urgent concern." Rep. Chris Collins (R-N.Y.) has seen this before: "another nothingburger."
The Stable Genius 18
Looking for things? Because there are no things in this not-burger, sorry. Sure, there's stable genius Donald Trump publicly admitting, more than once, that he had indeed asked the president of Ukraine to dig up dirt on Joe Biden and his son, but that's all. See? Nothing. Trump's terrific personal attorney and fellow stable genius Mayor Rudolph Giuliani spies "a big nothingburger."
The Transcript 19
In this burger, there is a complete lack of things; there is nothing at all except for this: turns out there was a transcript of the Zelensky call and that according to the transcript, Trump asked Zelensky to "do us a favor though" and investigate Biden and his son. Washington Post columnist Hugh Hewitt's take: "nothingburger."
The Freak-Out 14
This burger has things in it! Just kidding; there's nothing. There is only air, and other things which are also nothing, such as the whistleblower's claim that freaked-out White House national-security aides hid the transcript of the Trump-Zelensky phone call. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) isn't buying it: "this phone call is a nothingburger."
The $400,000,000 Question 15
What's in this burger: well, air and other nothingesque stuff, such as the mystery of why 400 million dollars of American military aid to Ukraine were put on hold shortly before the President's nothing-call. Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wis.) sees this one coming from a mile away: "a real nothingburger."
The Rudy 17
Nothing from nothing leaves... nothing; correct. And that's what you'll find in this burger: nothing-things like the President involving his personal attorney and fixuh, Rudolph Giuliani, in talks with foreign leaders. Don't get Rep. Denver Riggleman (R-Va.) started: "it's a nothingburger."

The Unreliable Narrator 14
In this burger you will find nothing but nothingness: President Trump not being able to keep his story straight about why he'd withheld the military aid, for example. See? Nothing. Fox News commentator Jesse Watters wonders, "Am I allowed to say nothingburger?"
The Quid Pro Quo 11
Nothing here aside from calorie-free text messages between State Department employees pointing out that the withheld 400 million dollars amounted to a quid pro quo. From Wall Street Journal editorial-board member William McGurn's perspective, "it's a big nothingburger."
The Double-Down 18
This lovingly non-crafted non-burger contains a large number of nothing molecules plus the president publicly asking China, now, to investigate Mr. Biden. Straight-shooter Rush Limbaugh opines, "as big a nothingburger as Trump-Russia collusion was."