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Just One in a Series of Unromantic Procedures Hovering, humping away like a frantic little animal he said Oy! then rolled off me sweating. Pedi-Cure All I really wanted was a pair of sneakers. Not the sneaky thumbs kneading my heels into stilettos tarted up with straps, chains, studs. He slid my foot between his thighs, into his open palm, whispering ... I stepped away shoeless. I can pay for my shoes with cash, thanks. Enhances Curl So in the moment she grabbed the first slim square packet her fingers found. Tore it open: instant slick. Not until gluey morning did she see the label: For dry and damaged hair. External use only. This Is So Penthouse Letters Two reddened mouths peppered his nightlit, straining torso with kisses. In the midst of a nibble, a bitten button--wait didn't you say you had a girlfriend? A stutter, a grimace, a shrug. The two pairs of cherry lips moved off, relocated on one another, bit newer fruit. Happy Ending Surprise We went to this bar on Wednesday, found the former massage rooms downstairs and necked alone in the blue light. When I looked up again I was surrounded by pretty men holding each other in their mouths. It was midnight, gay night, and my drink was missing. At the Precipice Looking up at him the instant before orgasm -- seeing only a large booger dangling above my face. I had to leave. No coming back, either. Method Acting She wanted a faux break-in, a dangerous, anonymous stranger to penetrate the safety of her apartment. He'd come unannounced, wear all black, a ski mask, pretend viciously to scare the shit out of her, and then they'd do it. When she asked her boyfriend, he said, Okay, but I can't wear a ski mask because my glasses might get in the way. And um, do I get to get raped too? Baby, You Get Me So Hot You're so good I breathed, exaggerating. And you're so... warm he replied. Accidental revenge a few weeks later. I reached blindly into my bag for the lube, generously slathered clear goo, expecting moans, but heard only screeching-- Ahhh, I'm on fire!!! Funny, I didn't know I had any hand sanitizer in my bag. The previous items were culled from the most excruciating, disappointing, embarassing, cringe-inducing moments in dating that my friends and I could remember. The e-mailed request for stories elicited about twenty-five excited, gossipy responses within two days. -- Siân Killingsworth, Brooklyn, May 2004. Siân Killingsworth was born in Oxford, England, and raised in Princeton, New Jersey. She graduated from Rutgers University, where she studied poetry with Robert Kusch. Currently she is pursuing an MFA in Poetry at the New School. She lives in Brooklyn, New York. And her first name, "Siân"? Okay, couple things. First, don't forget the circumflex. The circumflex is the little hat-guy over the "a." It's Welsh. Second: it's pronounced "Shaaaahn," not "Shawn." Rhymes with "Khan," roughly, not "Dawn." If you get either of these things wrong, she will mess you up. Text copyright © 2004 Siân Killingsworth. All rights reserved. |
